Shattered
by Elizabeth Gray
Summary: Jace's POV of Freedom, to lose everything that you have cared for and realized it when it was too late made Jace a broken man. This is his side of the story. Companion to my other story Freedom


Shattered

Jace Herondale was raised upon the idea of perfection. His parents thrived in it having a home that could be featured in Forbes Magazine and careers that blew into giant empires. His mind was set to the perfect image when he was but an infant. He wanted everything his parents had and more, a wife, children, a great career. He relished in that fantasy, chasing after it by going to New York, the city of opportunities, the city of dreams, the city of life, the city that never sleeps.

He first saw her in Pandemonium. She was dancing moving her small, lithe body with her eyes closed completely oblivious to the lusty stares. It took him forever to track her down, and talk to her. Clary was her name and it was imprinted in his mind for weeks.

She was different with her flowing red hair and green eyes that crinkled around the edges when she smiled. She was different with her fiery temper and crazy paintings. She was different with her odd habit of getting up at 2a.m to paint or eating her tacos with ketchup.

She wasn't his first choice for a wife, for a normal person even, for his image of perfection but he felt himself falling for her despite all of her flaws. He had proposed in a high class restaurant with a ring that took him ages to find. She smiled quietly, suppressing her reactions until they got home. They were married months after.

His parents didn't approve.

They frowned upon her jumpers and overalls, upon her paint stained cheeks when she greeted them. After the image of perfection being so deeply ingrained into his mind, his parent's reactions sent his mind in frenzy.

He stopped their midnight races to see who could spot the most stars, stopped the passionate make outs at his office. He didn't realize when it didn't become enough, when the excitement just…disappeared.

It was Kaelie that brought him out of it. It was Kaelie with her long legs, slim figure and exotic accent, Kaelie who stayed behind with him every night in his office, Kaelie who completely shattered his image of perfection even more.

Clary knew about it but thankfully didn't put up much of a fuss. He bought her everything and anything a woman could possibly want to suppress the growing guilt gnawing at his stomach every time he laid in bed with Clary with Kaelie's perfume still on his skin. He knew what he was doing was wrong but he just couldn't stop.

It must have been at the Christmas dinner that Jace saw the first cracks in Clary's façade. He was how her eyes tightened at Kaelie's gorgeous dress and hair, how she hung on his arm the entire night and how she would whisper innuendos in his ear every five minutes. By the end of the night Jace saw something in Clary's eyes that scared him even more that a big freak out-he saw nothing.

To her, he didn't exist anymore. No more attempts at conversation or questions about where he was going, no more surprise visits to his office. Jace knew that he should be happy, relieved even but instead he felt…disappointed.

Then the breaking point, when she reveals that she wants to leave, leaves him, leave this life behind. He sees his dream shatter before his very eyes as Clary gazes at him, the fire snuffed out of the emerald green, weariness painting her face with its lines. He's on hi knees, begging and Jace Herondale never begs.

"I'm sorry!" _I don't care. _

_"_I won't do it again!" _I don't care._

"She meant nothing to me!" _I don't care._

Silence follows afterward as he realizes that she doesn't care and worse…that he does. He cares for her so much and he couldn't realize it until the last possible second when she's gone. He finds himself glancing at the empty drawers, the lack of color, of vitality, of adventure in his life. He wanted to laugh. Here he was in the City of Life and his world is devoid of color, of adventure all taken away by the girl he promised to love and protect forever.

He couldn't see Kaelie anymore, she couldn't understand why and neither could he because his head was swimming with the thoughts of a certain red head. He couldn't bring himself to look for her, see what he did wrong so it was months before he saw her again.

She was walking out of an art shop, juggling cans of paint and brushes. She looked…better. Her skin had a healthy glow and her hair was a fiery red again. Jace's heart clenched at the thought of her being better without him but his feet began to walk towards her.

She had stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him, weary and suspicious. He felt the guilt overcome him as she regarded him with narrowed eyes finally allowing him to take her out for coffee. They sat on the outside bench, talking.

"Dreams can never become reality without color, Jace. Without passion they're just smoke, without life, they're nothing. You took all those away from me Jace and that's why I left."

He was suffocating her, trying to mold steel into water. She was the most colorful thing in his life; he hadn't realized it and he lost her. The conversation ended when a man with dark hair and dark eyes came up to her, laughing and picking up the supplies.

"This is Sebastian…my fiancée."

So that was it. He had lost her forever. He feigned a smile and wave as they walked away, Clary clutching Sebastian's hand and never looking back. Jace was sure he would never see either of them again. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. It's a beautiful image, everything Jace could possibly want. But in the end its fragility cost him the thing he loved the most. In the end, it shattered him.


End file.
